whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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