he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
