Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
