Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
