is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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