Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
