I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
