So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
