There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
