so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides