I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia