now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did