God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.