i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
