Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
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