Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
