i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
