with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
