Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
