I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
