last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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