You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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