he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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