So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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