I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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