Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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