No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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