I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
