The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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