I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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