There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
