Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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