Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
