I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We are all done wearing pants today
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
