dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
