i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
