I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
