Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Mom said you looked used
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
