I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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