Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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