3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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