Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.