the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?