Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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