Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
