I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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