He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
