Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
