yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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