I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And then he peed in my hair
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