Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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