I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
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I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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