ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
