I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
