OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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