So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
