So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
worst night to have a conscience
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
