I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
