theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I would ride that face into the sunset
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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