I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
