When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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