**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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