What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
