How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
