i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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