Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize