I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
