A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
