What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
