Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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