i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
