I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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