Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
