Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
