i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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