I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
