I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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