I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
