it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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