all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I touched a dick in church today
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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