Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
